Pussycat Dolls

When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies. When I grow up I wanna see the world drive nice cars I wanna have boobies.

This lyric, misheard maybe, got me thinking about the clothes shop Tammy Girl in Bromley. Tammy Girl was the teenage part of Etam. Etam was a bit like New Look, before that store got ideas above its station. You’d kind of be embarrassed to go in Etam, or its younger sibling for that matter. The name Tammy was unbearably 80s and the time I’m talking about would be 1989 and we were ready to lose the 1980s once and for all.

But there was one draw for me: Tammy Girl sold bras in 28AAA. And practically nowhere else did. So down the narrow staircase I would sneak, grimacing with envy at the white-toothed teenage girls beaming at me from the posters in the stairwell.  Teenage girls who were perfect; unsullied by spots, greasy locks or PMT.  Straight to the back and right there, there was the display of 28AAA bras. One contraption – scandalously- sported pink spots. Oh, how I wanted that one. 13 years old and with about £1 a week pocket money to my name. Not happening.

Now, of course, I ask myself why 28AAA bras weren’t widely available. Actually, I don’t even need to ask why. Its because they are pointless. They are just paying lip-service to a dream. “If I get one, maybe it will encourage growth?” The old joke from teenaged boys - “would you wear a hat if you didn’t have a head? No, then why would you wear a bra?” If my Dad, who always likes to save a few pennies, had known about my plans he would have suggested two plasters. Used probably. Obviously he wouldn’t have been consulted due to this being “women’s stuff”.

But what all this came down to was this: THE SCHOOL SHIRT WAS SEE-THROUGH. And I’m not wearing a VEST like a baby!!! I wanna be a WOMAN. “Be careful what you wish for cos you just might get it” says Pussycat Nicole Scherzinger, later on, in the song quoted above. Everyone gets ‘ it’ eventually. And she didn’t really say “boobies”. Well not out loud. I think she DOES say boobies, really. But only unofficially. Truthfully, she says groupies. But who wants groupies? If you’re a girl band, they’re all gonna be stalkers. But boobies…rewinding to me at 13 and taking a scan of my brain…”hoping I get boobs soon.” ”Has so and so started yet and when am I going to and I hope I’m not the only one who hasn’t.” “Am I interested in boys yet?I should be” “Don’t tell anyone but I was playing with my neighbour’s Sindy dolls the other night” “I think the cat has got worms”.

So, back to the 28AAA bra. I never got it. I would suspect that puberty is such a fast-moving beast that by the time the pennies were saved for that one I would – oh joys- have already been ineligible for that “stupid, small thing”. And probably too busy obsessing over another “stupid, small thing” (my first boyfriend) to care.